His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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