if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
