My cat gives me a boner
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
