I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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