Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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