Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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