I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
we should paint friendship bongs
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