Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
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These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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