I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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