You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
