matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
