my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
