I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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