i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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