WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
