trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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