I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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