sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
