butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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