a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
