Whatcha textin bout Willis?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
