No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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