Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
