She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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