the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
