the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
