I can text with my tongue
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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