The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
