shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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