Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job

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(804): View more from Virginia

Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?

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(941): View more from Florida

thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever

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(515): View more from Iowa

Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.

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