i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
