What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
