so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
