don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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