oh god the rape fog is back!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
