I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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