I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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