you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
