dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
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Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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