Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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