dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
