Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
