I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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