idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I will die if light touches me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
