So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
