Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
