listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
