if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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