The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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