you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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