i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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