plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
