He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
