i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
