honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
