I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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