If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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