Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
