Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
