turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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