Just fell off a train. Bad.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
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I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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