This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
