I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
