the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
